I hurt so much, it’s debilitating; an insufferable, unyielding inner pain. I hate deeply. Everything in life fills me with a detestation. People smiling, laughing, loving… it all fills me with a rage. They are all so contemptible. Why don’t I end it? I’ll never find anyone again who will truly understand me and then go on loving me anyway. I’m always going to have this hollowing, a constant bitterness. A loss... the knowledge that I just don’t fit, that I’ll never quite belong and true happiness is always just out of reach. I’m just so tired of the sting, why can’t it just stop. Why can’t I just make it all stop! I need to be a thorn; I use to be such a wonderful thorn, I need desperately to become a thorn again.